They say heaven on earth is a state 
 Nirvana, bliss or peace in the wait 
 Shangri-La, or just staying sane
 Cz you know your mind don’t stay in its lane
 Rewind the clock, you ever watched a snowflake?
 Maybe not, but you ever seen a soul saved? 
 By the wonders of the world lookin' you dead straight 
 All around you it's some flowers - and there mountains 
 Hike some hills, morning birds be singing ‘Lovely day’
 And when you smile, and you’re kissed by the sun rays
 Or by your window, eyeing clouds paint the sky grey 
 My favourite one, watching waves crash by the sea bay  
 Okay, I guess, all I’m saying is get your mind made
 Find your kid, picture floatin calm in outer space 
 Count the stars, see the magic, let the moon enchant you
 Canon lens on your eyes, process life in bright hue 

When 2020 started, I took my journal and set some intentions for myself. Part of those intentions tied in a lot with the image below.

I think its very easy to lose yourself in the troubles and frustrations of life, and a lot of people, including myself, have found themselves sleepwalking through life, sometimes without even realising it. Some of the most normal and reasonably happy of people with no explicit traumas sleepwalk through a lot of life. I hope I won’t ever have to write about such a dark theme for you guys again, but in telling the tale behind the poem, I unfortunately have to share that 2013 was, or is, a very eerie year for me because I lost my Queen, and will for life, and life felt like a set of many different books combined for a long time, each full of calamity. Looking back, I think the child in me left with her, or went to sleep, I don’t know either. I was 16, so that took away from my child-like innocence and imagination too quickly. But, that, and many other difficulties from that period and since, in family and making life, have only led to greater strength. So I’m hard, that’s a fact, but I’m learning that in the strength I gain from anything I face, I don’t have to let life take away from my softness, for there’s more than an ocean of that.

Afterwhile, there was something I was looking for, but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t begin my search though until 2020, until the New Year started and after years of ponder about the search and what it was, I came to realisations. I realised, that it was me, I was the one asleep to the magic. Fortunately, I had help hearing it elsewhere first, which really opened my eyes to a lot. While my life was great, I had to make some decisions, internally, which I saw through despite 2020. I changed my lens, and tried to learn to be the child I should’ve been between 16 and my big age of 24 now, amongst many other things coming alive meant for me. It’s been an interesting, beautiful and exclusive process, a passion project I gifted myself over the year. In Phoenix speech, that would make me about 7/8 years old now. If I’m being quite honest, I used to tell my friends I have long term depressive memory loss, that would explain it. So I am coming alive in a soulful sense, and it’s not to say I didn’t entirely recognise all these things before, but my perspective and appreciation of the elements and life has changed and increased. I also watched the movie Soul which premiered on the 25th of December 2020, [if you haven’t, I definitely recommend you jump on that], which embodies all these ideas of soul and purpose in the little things, sort of confirming all these thoughts I had over the year. Of course this doesn’t imply simplicity in the decision and implementation. It starts with choice and its carried through by learning about yourself, your conditions, your spirit, trying different things, being intentional about your healing and/or finding light in the little things again, and never giving up on the journey when you don’t wake up and it’s a sparkle in your eyes. The easiest thing to do is give up because sometimes it takes what feels like a lifetime. We give up everyday we wake up and ignore the magic because we’re missing out on the true essence of what life is and that’s being. I do encourage you as you chase success or survival [I’m a sucker for getting lost in both], learn to simply live and find joy in the small things, like how Stormzy said don’t forget to breathe.

Live in colour. Remember, Picasso once said, ‘It took me 4 years to paint like Raphael and a lifetime to paint like a kid.’