Hey!

I hope you’re great and doing much better than me, I’m running on E for empty for real. Welcome to my blog! For today’s read, something had me thinking and laughing about my childhood, and bore the words age, race and pace. So, do read and enjoy x

Age, race and pace 
Well time, that’s what should be last place, 
But never mind, it’s all an illusion the same
So like,
Age? Maybe more of what your eyes gauge
And race? Construct that kills n separates
Own pace? You know Rome ain’t built in a day 
Realise, give yourself space 
In your time u dey find your ace 

One of the conversations I’m glad people are starting to speak out against is the different kinds of oppression that older people in African communities exert onto the younger ones. Be it nuclear setting, extended family setting, school, anywhere, maybe even at the Omang office. It takes many different forms, from control to unsolicited and very negative criticism, making kids automatic scapegoats for ‘crimes’ or the general lack of respect for boundaries, privacy and worries/concerns of anyone younger. The list is endless because people experience so many things differently so I might not be able to capture it all, but you get my drift.

The frustrating thing though is that, even in the midst of all this oppression, younger people aren’t allowed to speak up for themselves, lest they be labelled rude and/or disrespectful. Not me though, I don’t kerrrr a damn, y’all be safe 🙏, cz in the words from ‘Rupi Kaur’s’ upcoming book:

Lmao, you’re probably wondering what I mean. Well, for starters, my older sister and I were recently reminiscing and laughing at the fact that one of my nicknames growing up was, and might still loosely be, ‘yo molala’ (translation: the one with a neck). They’ll say it’s talking back, I just don’t tolerate terrorism yoh. (Don’t get me wrong, my family’s cool-ish, I just call anyone who makes me talk too much a terrorist cz I don’t think I’m a starter)

See, my mum was very strict growing up, very, and my siblings were all much older than me, so I was the baby of the house for a while, so all the smoke was mine. While they were progressed, they still shared in some of the ideologies of African parenting. So I understood the principles of respect, and the natural respect someone older than me deserves, especially having been brought up stringently in the church. However, I was going to school and starting to learn a lot about rights, morality and just themes surrounding esteem, personal development and social issues, right. At church also, there’s this verse that said:

Ephesians 6:4

‘Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ke ha ke re, jackpot! With a multitude of verses speaking about respecting elders, I was just happy there was actually a verse that captured that kids can be, and in fact shouldn’t be provoked, a fact I don’t think adults want to realise or acknowledge. Batswadi, o bona batswadi. They can make you sing, Daliwonga’s – (Uyang)’Tester. Vibes:  

So anyway, at about the age of 8, I went home one day after a great Setswana lesson and said ‘apparently susu ilela suswane gore sususwane  a go ilele.’ Translation: One has to respect a younger person to also get respect. Setswana, one of the most oppressive languages from a culture that largely abuses its minority groups, was also acknowledging that I, a mere child, deserve respect. Haa, diesel.

Didn’t get far.. ion remember but I’m sure I probably almost died that day from a stick or a shoe. I didn’t tire of correcting them though, my resolve and temper overtime made them tire of beating and shouting, and di’mumzo listened 🥰. Apparently you teach people how to speak to and act towards you.. And if they don’t listen, engage cannon. Haha, jokes. On the real though, I never had it in me to keep quiet to anything that felt like unfair treatment, so even though it could easily be labelled disrespectful to ask to be spoken to right or for certain boundaries not to be overstepped, unfortunately, my name is Sweet and the surname’s Fire. So now, I think they live in secret fear of me, ion know but I like that. But what I like the most is that it also means I can’t possibly ever take disrespect from anyone else, not when my very stubborn family understood and supported the motion, and learnt to enforce it for me to anyone, and I mean anyone, where or when I couldn’t.

On the other hand, we also recognise sometimes it really might be a lack of awareness surrounding how a lot of things said or done may affect children. But communication, and comprehension especially from parents is necessary. If they aren’t comprehending, yoh, it’s beyond me mntase.

Oh, and our African parents suffer depression and mental health problems too. I’m just not sure they ever admit it.

Moving on…

More of what your eyes gauge can also mean the quality of one’s work. So now we’re going into the workplace and we want to be respected there as well, more for the quality of what we put out, talents and abilities, less about how we look or where our ages say we should be in the food chain. It’s also very unfair for people already struggling to get jobs, especially in Botswana, to enter the market and sometimes suffer from having oppressive bullies for seniors, and age differences mean they aren’t allowed to have grievances, or rather express them. So if they can’t find other work, but they also can’t complain where they are, then?????? You’ll also realise, there’s certain things they’ll say to someone younger than them or with less authority, but never ever say to their agemates, seniors or those they think have authority and power. Catharsis on the kids?

Now, take all of these ideas of respect being withdrawn because of age, and extend it factors like gender, social class and riches, looks and/or weight, hold of the English language (accent, pronunciation, articulation etc), and more. It’s still discrimination: a problem if you’re consciously aware you’re doing it, or something to work on if it’s an unconscious bias.

I mean, in the words of Jay-Z, ‘Light nigga, dark nigga, faux nigga, real nigga, rich nigga, poor nigga, house nigga, field nigga, still nigga, still nigga.‘

Now, one of the biggest fights of them all:

RACE

Apparently, the colour of your skin is actually based on how far away you are from the equator, factoring in positive selection [the process by which new advantageous genetic variants sweep a population] and other many factors. So it’s an evolutionary mechanism that takes place over time.

The year 2021 has just started and already so much has already highlighted the problems we still have and may ultimately never resolve with race. The killings from last year? You wouldn’t believe that so much time has passed since black people ‘got their freedom’, freedom from slavery or colonialism, and, nothing’s changed. It’s all so deeply ingrained in their minds and system that its either so violent, or it’s so silent in the subtleties of everyday life that a black person will always feel but has to live with. You also hear it instilled in us as well. For example, the age-old ‘lekgoa lame’ (translation: my white person) to compliment someone looking good, doing well or looking like money. Nggggggggggg…

A black person holds a white person to a higher regard and with more respect than they would a fellow black person. An African child might subconsciously believe corporations and inventions are only led by white people, which they usually are, largely because they’re a million steps ahead of us in resources and control, and even further ahead because, we believe their power over ours sometimes.

Anyway, I’ll just leave some great songs by those who’ve closely felt the terrors:

90s:      2Pac – Changes              

Brenda Fassie – Black President

2000s:  Black Eyed Peas – Where is the love?

              (This era was spent In Da Club with 50 Cent dawg)

10s :      Kendrick Lamar – Hiiipower

              Kendrick Lamar – Alright

     ’18: Childish Gambino – This is America

20s:       J Hus – Deeper than Rap

Buddy – Black 2  

Do you know my man Dave?! Just listen to anything Dave okay, but today:         

Dave – Black

And……

TIME

Sadly, I be like take your time, then I go…choke on anxiety?? Haha.. girl I’m the worst person to always be handing out advice, but anyway, reminders to ourselves innit.

Theory says time is an illusion. I just know Carlo Rovelli lying cz why aint it an illusion in the exam room though?

I’ll keep it short and say, yes, maybe time isn’t as we perceive it. What I got from the physics theories on time is that time might be relative, rather than objective, so dependent on say velocity or gravity. So people’s timescales can’t be compared or used as the benchmark, as the velocities and gravities enacting in each of our lives is different. So, don’t compare your journey, your pressures are different, your wellbeing could be different, resources and support as well. Once you see there’s no certain or right way and learn to stop comparing your journey, in focusing on building the best version of yourself, time dilates (expands) for you when you pick up speed. And you’ll only pick up that jump start speed if you take time to fix what’s wrong and develop yourself. So allow that time and space.

If it’s taking long, remember, Colonel Sanders started KFC at age 62.

Definitions: Batswadi: Parents Discrimination: the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex. Unjust: not based on or behaving according to what is morally right and fair. Prejudicial: harmful to someone or something; detrimental. Conscious bias (also known as explicit bias) and Unconscious bias (also known as implicit bias) It is important to note that biases, conscious or unconscious, are not limited to ethnicity and race. Though racial bias and discrimination are well documented, biases may exist toward any social group. One’s age, gender, gender identity physical abilities, religion, sexual orientation, weight, and many other characteristics are subject to bias. Unconscious biases are social stereotypes about certain groups of people that individuals form outside their own conscious awareness. Everyone holds unconscious beliefs about various social and identity groups, and these biases stem from one’s tendency to organize social worlds by categorizing. Microaggressions: a subtle, often unintentional, form of prejudice. Some other examples of microaggressions include: i) treating someone as a second-class citizen because of their gender, race, or sexual orientation/interests ii) complimenting a person on their English simply because they are not white iii) telling a thin person that they should eat more food/commenting on people’s weight without invitation iv) making assumptions about someone based on their religion, age, or social class v) considering certain people to be of more value than others based on their ethnicity, class, or sexuality