Hi.. wheew.. I hope you’re all good.. Personally, when Jhené said I was born tired, felt dawg..

Should’ve had this up for ‘May’ in this last week, but…I was rocking 🧍‍♀️. Anyway, in Maun they say Shekeleshekele (once upon a time) chale…

My lips stunner red
Smoke and mirror said 
Call’a medicine man 
To do all he can  

Windy, starry nights
In’a air cool n dry 
Bright beaming eyes 
Like neva seen dis high 

It’s too big, it’s too wide
Yankees cap cover psyche 
That aircraft travels light  
Zeppelin hot air flight 

It’s too strong, it won’t fit 
It’s too much, it’s too tough 
Beyoncé talk like this so I can back her up  
Sat in balloon gondolas 
Dat ascension makes it colder 
Pompasettin on de lower 
Keep your foot on da gas, 
Come down frozen glass

In case I lost you, the analogy is a hot air balloon standing in for the ego mind. But first, what is an ego? According to the Cambridge Dictionary:

Is it bad to have an ego? I don’t think so.

Ego is our own idea of ourselves as has been specified, which ties in very much with things like confidence and self-esteem. Having a healthy ego derived from one’s own innate  motivations and purpose filled desires, can drive us to achieve great things and try new ones, have/build great friendships/networks, and also stand up for ourselves. Having or building confidence (in ourselves or abilities) goes a long way to helping us get to where we should be if we use it to drive our dreams and assert ourselves.

Our ego works against us when it turns into unhealthy ego. There’s various ways in which this might manifest.

So firstly, people can probably be regarded to either be confident or arrogant.

Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

Arrogance is less a confidence from one’s own self and abilities but rather more about the feeling of being above others. It can however breed overconfidence, especially where there has been prolonged ego inflation. You might stop growing if you think too highly of yourself and abilities because of a belief of already being ‘perfect’/ahead of others, neither can you really connect with other people if you have little regard for them. Additionally, it will probably make certain things somewhat difficult if they threaten or go against every belief you’ve set for yourself about yourself. If your beliefs about your importance or capabilities are relative to being above people, it might make it hard to tolerate anyone seen as the ‘inferior’ getting the win or validation you believe you always deserve. The detriment in it I believe is if your life centres on proving this superiority, and if the ways you take to do it negatively impact yourself and make you behave in mean ways to intentionally attempt to depreciate others.  

A central thing might be the human need to categorise people and regard different groups differently. Age, gender, social class, etc all play a role if one sees themselves as superior and other groups as inferior. For example, we see the obsession men have with humbling women they consider powerful, to try and prove their superiority as men. In workplace dynamics, some bosses bully subordinates because they see them doing a better job and they’ll do so to make them feel less to soothe their own egos. This again shows how some people become detrimental when they see others winning or doing a better job than them. This also includes men who are unable to take rejection from women and go on to insult or discredit them (usually) for the world to watch. There’s so many other things that could be said, but you get the gist.

However, how can we objectively say who is arrogant and who isn’t? After all, we experience people differently. In “arrogant” people’s defence, the title is heavily weighted on how other people perceive them. Unfortunately, this leave’s room for people to be misunderstood. So maybe there isn’t a science behind it. However, a person’s repeated actions may be telling of their character! And if those actions are consistent with that of an arrogant person’s, then..👀

On the other hand, an unhealthy ego also manifests in an inability to take criticism.

Could be as simple as not being able to take constructive criticism – but how will you grow? Or maybe you feel (too much) the rejection from job applications since we’re in that stage that’s crippling many. The point is, it still doesn’t denounce your importance in this world. You are talented and very able, believe in yourself and go out there, I’m rooting for you 🤍.

Other times though, some things are destructive criticism or people just being ass’s. Encountering such people always makes it easy to fall into a trap because of your ego, to try and prove you/your work are important and worthy of respect. Whilst I’ve said before that we teach people how to treat us and respect us, sometimes, they’re not actually trying to learn or be accountable. Actually, they might even insult or mock you further because being upset/bothered by them only inflates their egos some more and ‘confirms’ to them they indeed have ‘power’. If you’re on Twitter, you might have seen Rea Gopane’s v Bonang Matheba recently.

Obviously, it’s not everything that can be sorted out in court. It’s not everyone who’ll simply listen, and we’re old as well, so you can’t take matters into your own hands. Therefore, sometimes you have to get comfortable with being questioned or belittled (if that is all that’s left), and let your healthy ego keep reminding you of your power. Separate yourself and just be. (But remember when you let sh*t slide, people start to skate, do what you must w that 🤍)

Let belittling words only ever push you higher and only work as a source of motivation 💪

This article I’ve linked explains in more detail the difference between healthy and unhealthy ego.

EGO STATES

Apparently we have three main ego states we operate from: Parent, Adult and Child Ego State.

That’s it from me. It’s summer, let the draaanks flow!