Hi..

I hope you’re doing good.. Can you believe it’s August end?

I graduated last month, and have had many beautiful experiences and milestones to look back on in the last month or two.. Last year this time though, life was saying something different, and I was so depleted, school was the last thing I wanted to do, or even had the energy to deal with. One particular day in August last year had really slapped me in the face though, and there aren’t any words to describe the emotions I felt for what I had experienced on that day, and for a long time before then if was being honest with myself.

Hmm.. Minus three sixty five 
Impetuous on the media 
Kinda losing my mind 
Clickbait - it's a picture 
Will I lose my last smile?
A-rose 🥀🌹, left the fixture 
Concrete dreams down the aisle 

Reckless reckless
Aggressive aggressive 
Reckless reckless 
Defence's comic madness -

Anyway, this month still has me reeling every time I look back to it.. A sunny day it was, on a Sunday – no pun intended. I was seated on a camp chair next to an inflatable pool holding my Corona, jamming to Raquel and I’s favourite mix at the time 😂 Opened my Instagram, and realised I had a message request. Curious, on opening the request, I noted the mocking details of the [fake] account and realising the contents of the message, only left me stunned to say the least, and drowning in long wonder that came in waves of who, what and why was I a target of such vileness?

I felt a momentary dizziness wash over me before pulling myself back together and continuing on with my day (my friends had no clue), but the back of my mind beeped a non-ending, ‘w.t.f’?

It certainly wasn’t anything I merited to receive, see or be made to feel.

Although it doesn’t matter now, I can’t say it didn’t matter then, because it did.. It hurt, stung and infuriated me all at once, and I ‘couldn’t’ hold anyone accountable. After noting the same types of behaviour prevail for so long, publicly though, on platforms such as Twitter, I now started paying much more attention to the cultures of bullying that really exist in our community, and the silent dangers and aggressions that many have to face and fight in solitude. So today, we’re having the chat; let’s talk bullying.

I think bullying is such a.. such a dated thing to still be talking about today. We first encountered bullying in our childhood years, either directly or from seeing it in play from afar, and we were taught all there is to know of how wrong it is.

But, what’s interesting to note is that, that jungle, the food chains that exist in school, we never really exit those premises. The need for some to assert power and dominance will always prevail in society; in relationships and various institutions where hierarchy exists, as also there does exist an inner child in us all, I guess.

The rise of the digital era has brought about immense opportunities, but has been precarious in its dangers to our safety and personal security, as well as to our overall wellbeing and creativity.

Humiliation and finding humour in that is a popular concept, and it’s sad to see even celebrities/public figures can’t be human or go through human experiences without facing overwhelming judgement and scrutiny. Let’s start at the roots.

The Activists, or Not

One of the problems regarding bullying, cyberbullying at that, is, there aren’t many real advocates who truly walk their talk. Many people aren’t afraid to speak out against bullying or vehemently disagree with acts of bullying when conducted by people they don’t know, like or agree with. The story changes, sometimes sadly, even within a 24-hour period, make that by the next post, when the cyberbullying is now done by their friends, family etc, or in worst cases, themselves. In those cases, its either not regarded as bullying, it’s ‘funny/banter’ or knowingly disregarded based on who the victim is and how much they’re presumably disliked.

[Unless you’re bullying back a bully ofc, sometimes it’s necessary]

Maybe we don’t really know and understand what cyberbullying really is.

So What Is Bullying?

Bullying can either be direct or indirect. You’ll probably see direct bullying in children, who use physical (and emotional) abuse, done in plain sight on the playground to assert their power. In adults, I’d take an example as using other people’s pictures, videos etc to incite and gain adverse reaction from one’s followers. Indirect bullying is more common in adults, and would probably look something like the ever popular, subbing. It is defined and discussed below as follows:

The forms of bullying we probably mainly deal with as adults include social and cyber bullying, so we’ll look define those first before further discussion.

Social bullying takes place in most social situations/institutions/communities, whereas cyber of course via internet. The mix of the two is when the internet is used as grounds of gaining social power and ranking. May be through trying to reduce someone’s social status as a means of gaining power, or, directly teasing/intimidating/threating them.

Cyber mobbing (group of people ganging up on someone using tactics of rumour, innuendo, discrediting, isolating, intimidating and victim blaming) is dangerous because of the existence of cliques on social networks. You find as a result, only some people may face consequences for being problematic, or even face unnecessary attack and bullying, whilst others may get away with a lot and never face intimidation, as long as they have control of their ‘gang’.

This may also explain why the experience of using and being free on the internet, even merely joining a competition, will also differ between people who are vs aren’t conventionally beautiful and/or rich, or with access to followers of such status.

Subtweeting

These can be so aggressive because I think they involve a lot of gaslighting, as they can’t be directly proven most times to mean or relate to a person. Often times though, many people might be aware nonetheless of exactly who the sub is meant for, what the message means and where the hostility stems from.

So consequently, one has to bear the emotions of a spiteful message(s), but with no real action they can take for what can turn into bullying done in the shadows.

Gatekeepers of abuse, and by-standing

Violence doesn’t always have to physical, it doesn’t only have to be rape, or murder. The fact that some people go to lengths such as suicide over experiencing some of the forms of malice detailed above (and is normalised), only highlights just how horrible these violations are, and what kind of impact they really have on people’s mental health.

Do not even forget just how horrible the internet is, and how quick and vast it can reach in its ability to spread humiliating ordeals.

Advocating against bullying and for mental health, only until it’s time to have a stand when the bullying is done by people you know/like or don’t want to be on the wrong foot with,

doesn’t make you an ally, but a gatekeeper.

Like I said, some people are only advocates until their friends, or themselves, are engaging in these acts, then it’s either ‘banter’, ‘doesn’t matter’, ‘chommie vayolence’, or well, the gaslighting goes on.

WHAT DID BEYONCE SAY ABOUT PROTECTING YOUR INNER SELF?

I’ve learnt over the last year or two, if you don’t know who you are, and you are unfortunate enough to meet someone intent on making you feel small or breaking you down, it’s easy to lose yourself in what they say about you, in their horrible words and remarks, and the miniscule image they build and present of you.

Be free of people’s notions and perceptions of you, the opinions they have that they want you to desperately uphold and meet, even if the opinion of you is dog sh*t.

I know it might be hard to swallow sometimes, but don’t let the insecurities they project onto you become your insecurities for the keeping. Our egos may also want to correct the views people hold of us, especially when we aren’t able to control what the majority may think/know of us, but like D’Angelo said, nothing even matters, at all… just live your life.

You get to cultivate what world you live in, block out anything that doesn’t serve you. Do the same in your real world as well. If people aren’t doing your mental health any justice, or find any ways of bringing negativity, remarks, bad vibes etc into your life, always know, you don’t have to interact with that.

Beyonce said, get to a point where you learn to take every word and action against you, and harness it for your power and purpose. The right people and things for you will fall in place, and what the world should know of you and your light will illuminate anyway, because no one can dim your light unless you allow them to, you are the sun baby.

Anyone trying to dim your light is only really telling you of what a star you really are, pay attention to them.

In conclusion…

Social media is a dangerous tool, and a false sense of reality for many. More importantly, social media poses a serious harm to mental health.

I don’t take people on social media that seriously anymore; people portray what they want, how they want to be perceived, not who they are.

But no worries, always remember, most people are only brave behind their keypads 😘

Have a great September! Don’t forget to smash it!